BREAKING" Anonymous Sources Say US-Targeted Government Did An Invisible Bad Thing by Ms Caitlin Johnstone!
(2021-03-25 at 01:41:15 )

BREAKING" Anonymous Sources Say US-Targeted Government Did An Invisible Bad Thing by Ms Caitlin Johnstone!

We interrupt todays Caitlin Johnstone article with this breaking news report from the National News Conglomerate. NNC: Obey.

WASHINGTON - One of the nations the United States government has targeted for destruction is guilty of doing a very bad thing that nobody can see, according to sources familiar with the matter.

One senior official who spoke on conditions of anonymity told NNC that while nobody was killed or injured by the bad thing that was done by the bad country, and that the bad thing has in fact had no discernible effect on anything anywhere that everyday Americans would be able to perceive with the naked eye, it was still a very bad thing and will almost certainly require a much more inflated military budget to deal with.

"It is true that the thing which was done was not bad enough to have hurt any American or to have affected the observable universe in any way that Americans can verify by observation, but it was definitely bad enough to justify strengthening our military presence against the bad country," the official said. "I hear the Raytheon family has a fine line of surprisingly affordable new products to choose from that would be ideal for our nations national security needs."

Other sources confirmed that the United States intelligence community is between "somewhat confident" and "kinda confident" in its assessment that the thing we just reported as verified fact in preceding paragraphs actually occurred.

When another source familiar with the matter was asked if the United States government would be providing the public with any evidence that the bad thing had in fact happened and had actually been done by the accused foreign government, the source said "Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha."

"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha," the source then added. "Oh wait you are serious, let me laugh even harder, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha."

"The evidence is classified," the source added, anonymously. "It is secret, invisible evidence."

Les Overton, a senior fellow at the DC-based policy group American Freedom Democracy for Freedom Institute, told NNC that it is common for United States government agencies to make unverifiable claims about invisible misdeeds being perpetrated by nations the United States government does not like.

"Sometimes it is hacking, sometimes it is paying bounties on United States soldiers in Afghanistan, sometimes it is election interference, sometimes it is considering doing a bad thing and then not actually doing it," Mr. Overton said. "Either way we always uncritically report the allegation as a fact unless it is irrefutably proven false, and even then we just sort of still act like it is true because we do not want to be unpatriotic."

"I mean, if you can not trust an assertion by an anonymous official from the United States government, what in this world can you trust?" Mr. Overton added.

Thanks for reading!!
Everyone has my unconditional permission to republish or use any part of this work (or anything else I have written) in any way they like free of charge.

My work is entirely reader-supported, so if you enjoyed this piece please consider sharing it around, liking me on Facebook, following my antics on Twitter, throwing some money into my hat on Patreon or Paypal, purchasing some of my "sweet merchandise", buying my new book "Rogue Nation: Psychonautical Adventures With Caitlin Johnstone", or my previous book "Woke: A Field Guide for Utopia Preppers". The best way to get around the internet censors and make sure you see the stuff I publish is to subscribe to the mailing list for "my website", which will get you an email notification for everything I publish. For more info on who I am, where I stand, and what I am trying to do with this platform, "click here".